It’s the last day of 2021 so I’m taking a moment to take a look back at an eventful year.
I had lots of excitement in early 2021: being in an article on CNN’s website, sharing – in a very small way – the cover of Woman’s World Magazine with Dolly Parton and being interviewed by our local newspaper Sonoma Index-Tribune.
It was an incredible experience to be in the spotlight – especially for things I worked hard to accomplish – but it also spiked my anxiety levels.
First, I didn’t fully believe I deserved the attention. I have a comfortable life with plenty of time to devote to exercise, preparing food, researching health and diets, decluttering and so on. Yes, I worked hard but I had the resources, support from my husband and time when so many were suffering during the pandemic.
Second, I worried I wouldn’t be able to maintain my new habits. What if I gained all my weight back? Returned to daily drinking? Racked up my credit cards by spending frivolously? How would I face others or myself now that so many people know my story? I could become a failure…publicly.
And lastly, I thought I had to DO something with the attention. I felt like I had an obligation to take advantage of it somehow, create something from the opportunities exposure offers and keep it going. The not knowing how to do that – and not really wanting to – caused even more anxiety.
Thankfully, since I no longer numb myself with alcohol, mindless eating and online shopping, I was fully aware this was happening. When Bill and I went on our RV trip last April, it was the right time to step away.
I didn’t blog and I didn’t post as much about my journey on Instagram. I focused on being present during our trip and let the glittery dust of the first part of 2021 slowly settle into my mind and body.
I am grateful to have had that time and those travel and nature experiences – from April to November – to settle into this new version of myself.
I want to have spotlight experiences again. They were fun and thrilling and, wow, what boost for my self-confidence. But I want to be brave and calm about them next time. I want to enjoy and accept them rather than try to control their outcomes.
Thank you! to those of you who have reached out this year and shared stories with me. From major weight loss (someone lost 90 pounds like I did!), to quitting alcohol to dabbling in a plant based lifestyle, I love to read each and every word of your journeys. It inspires me to be more brave and vulnerable in my writing and sharing and it makes me feel like I am part of a bigger community.
Happy New Year! Here’s to 2022!
Adrienne